19 October, 2011


Of late, I have been interacting with lot of friends, over Diwali bashes. While chit chatting with various people, I understood quite a many facts of life (which I knew before but, they got re emphasized and reinforced). Some of them are as follows:

1. Love yourself the most. Love of one's own self is the greatest romance on earth. There are women who say that they gave precious years of their life to their family and in bringing up their children. Like me, my friends also have teen aged children. They told me how their own children say very hurtful and mean things to them. I can understand this as a mother. It hurts when your own child is insensitive towards you. To them, I would say, love yourself first and foremost. Do not let even your children, rule or control your life. Do not be answerable to anyone else except your own self.

2. Be financially independent. It is very important for your own self esteem. Maybe your husband is very well off. Maybe your income is not what runs your household. Maybe it is not your bread and butter. But let it be a jam, an extra topping.

3. Learn to drive women. It is so very important step in being independent. Stop being Cinderella and stop waiting for a prince who will come and rescue you. Stop being a pitiable figure. Learning to drive, is crucial to being independent. Some women find excuses to take help. A jar is not opening. They will make a pitiable face and start looking around to see who is the first one to come and help. A heavy suitcase needs to be lifted. Immediately and unhesitatingly, they will seek help from the next possible stranger. Learning to drive, is not the only thing. Learn to change a flat tyre. Drive on highway, intercity. Pay no attention to any resistance from anyone however dear he or she is. You have to go (anywhere, at any odd hour, however near or far), just get up and go.

4. Do not let anyone use the word "bechari" (pitiable) for you. It is not something to be proud of. Do not act, or be bechari. In fact, protest if anyone uses this word for you (and some people would even claim to use it lovingly).

5. Women have too much maternal feelings. Stop being a mother to anyone and everyone. I have my two sons. I gave my 100, sorry 200%, mothering them with utmost sincerity and honesty. Now I cannot be a mother to anyone else (yes. of course, apart from my 3 year old, adorable nephew). I cannot mollycoddle anyone else. And why should I? Today every 20-30 year old thing wants to be taken care of. I tell them- Hey! you are as much an adult as I am. I have no interest in taking care of you. I would rather take care of my own self (told you, I love myself the most).

6. Elders (parents/in laws, etc) are not always right. Stop listening to their each and every thing. Do your own thing. It is your life. Be your own boss.

7. Do not get bogged down by the pressures of society, etc. Do not think what people will say or think about you if you do so and so. It is exhilarating to be able to do what your heart wants to do. Think about, what is your that one desire, that you really want to do and are not doing, because of the fear of who will think or say what. Get up and do it. I repeat-You are answerable to no one else but to your own self.

8. Women like it/ enjoy it, if someone acts possessive about them. Specially their husband, boyfriend or lover. Hey! you are not a toy or object that can be possessed. I would feel suffocated and pressurized if someone did that to me.