18 March, 2014

Snooping on your ex is very uncool

People have difficulty in moving on post break up. Internet offers anonymity and people often snoop on their ex's to find out what is going on in their lives. They post posts or pictures specially to evoke reaction from their ex. They play games intentionally and post things on social media to appear to be in the lead. This way you harm yourself more than you ever realize. You keep yourself addicted to that person. You cling to your past. It is tempting to do a quick search on a particular person. Adhere to the following rules post break up.

1. If you have "broken up and made up" many times, you are in a dangerous relationship. It is not going to last. It is not something that is meant to be. Be brave and come out of it, for once and for all.
2. Changing one's personality is not easy. You can give up a certain bad habit but if your ex's claim that they have changed completely, do not believe it. Changing one's personality, temper, temperament or mood swing is difficult.
3. No contact is the best way to deal with your ex. No communication over Facebook, whatsapp, message, phone, through friends or relatives. Nothing. To get over your ex, hit the gym, go for movie, go out with friends but do not sit and sulk.
4. Snooping on your ex is really bad. It reflects badly on you. If you try to get news of your ex through their co-workers, friends, employees, etc., it is shameful. You might be trying to get cheap thrills by knowing that they are suffering after being away from you but it is not going to be good in the long run for your peace of mind. If you have broken up, stop trying to pry into your ex's life. Even if your common friend or a co-worker comes and tells you any information, do not encourage or give ear to it. Tell this person very firmly that you are not interested to know. That you should not be told anything. You will see, you will feel so light, so good, so clean. At the end of the day, if you have earned respect in your own eyes, you have conquered the world. What is really important is to live with dignity and also to let go of your ex in a dignified manner. In Punjabi, there is a saying, "Jis raah nahin jaana, us waah ki paana." Loosely translated in English, it means, the path you do not have to tread you need not know about it or deal with it. 
All said and done, you have been in a relationship. Just because, for some reason, things did not work out between the two of you (or maybe things turned sour), does not mean that now you should be so bitter that you start snooping on your ex. You might be considered the best lover- most giving, very romantic, very passionate, etc. etc. but how you deal with things post your break up, really defines you- as a person and as a human being. That is equally or more important, than being a good lover. 
5. Nothing in this world should be more important than your own health, happiness and peace of mind. You will get all this only once you have come out clean. Hold no grudge. Do not try to harm or bad mouth your ex. Do not be inquisitive about your ex. Do not try to find through sources or through online what is going on in his/her life. Let them go gracefully. Only then you will be liberated. 

Breakups happen for a reason — to help us find a person we’re more compatible with and can share our lives with. Hanging on to what you used to have through spying on your ex just delays your life’s journey in finding a more suitable partner.