06 May, 2010

Another chat from Ladies Room

It happened all innocently enough. My girlfriend logged in on Facebook when she saw on her homepage her boyfriend's comments on another girl’s picture. He wrote “wow who is this?? :)” The girl replied, “do you want her no” and he said, “I would lv to :) intro would be welcome ;)”

Looking around she found a few disturbing things. Number one, he listed his interests as women. Number two he was looking for friendship and relationship. He had mostly women as his Facebook friends. Was he trying to start a harem here? Number three he was flirting with these women! He was leaving messages for women saying that they looked really good. Blah! I nearly choked on my drink hearing my friend. This was her honey, her sweetie who was saying complimentary things to other women. Gnawing at the bit she confronted him. Summoning all her powers of PMS she calmly and rationally smsed him that he should “stop flirting with other women on facebook”. OK so explained the last few things to the wall because he sent her a sms which read, “stop checking out your peer’s comments with friends.” And “flirting is a well deserved compliment”...

So next when we friends met, there was a question raised. We had a food for thought. What does he get out of it? What is he after? Why do men flirt?

Guys wake up at any kind of attention. 
They inhale kindness and the possibility of a new friend. 
Guys think any kind of recognition is flirting. 
Anything is possible. 
In their mind guys are always on the prowl.

Flirting (if you don't already know) is the indirect communication of sexual interest between a man and a woman. It's how 'adults' communicate with each other in a sexual way, instead of directly saying something "Hey, I'd like to have sex with you tonight or sometime soon. Would you like to have sex with me?"
When you flirt with a woman, it communicates the following message to her without you actually having to say it, "I'm attracted to you sexually and am considering having sex with you". Best of all, flirting also asks her the question, "Are you interested in me in a sexual way?"

I realize I am not the first to ask this question. Many women before me have asked and asked. My most educated guess in the reason that why men flirt, is because they have a need for attention from women. Is his ego that big? I had not thought, but maybe I need to take a closer look.

Theories on Why Men Flirt

There are two types of flirting, intentional and unintentional. An Unintentional flirt is when you might inadvertently catch a glimpse of someone's eye and give a quick smile. An intentional flirt is usually verbal. Flirting to some can be a game and an acceptable social outlet. Flirting also can open a door to maybes. Flirting can make suggestions and one thing then can lead to another. Does a man know when to not cross the line? Does this man know? Has he crossed the line? Would he act on his flirtation?
Maybe he likes the idea of someone else being attracted to him. Maybe he just keeps it friendly so he can still feed his "manly" self esteem. Is flirting a part of him that he would be miserable with if he were asked to suppress the urge?
Is he flirting because he is unhappy in his relationship with my friend? Or does he feel the need to get one over on his girl? What she doesn't know won't hurt her.
My final theory on why men flirt is that they want what they can't have. Men just put it all out there with little regard to how it looks to others. They make an obvious attempt to gain the attention of an attractive lady. Sometimes it works, Sometimes it doesn't.

For some guys (and girls) somethings are just not enough. You could be the best woman on the face of this earth and still, the guy you're with will flirt with other women just to get a reaction that he is wanted. Some of us will never be content as that is a part of human nature.
Flirting is all about the intent I think. Is the intent to create an opportunity for a fling or is the intent to feed the voracious all consuming male ego?

It is NOT the sign of a big ego, but rather the sign of a lack of self-esteem and also immaturity.

Men LOVE it when women flirt with them! They love the fun aspect of it: the playful banter, the dance of eye contact, and the sheer joy of being surprised by the unexpected.

A flirtatious encounter will usually involve three elements:

Humor (or wit),
Risk, and
A display of interest.

A witty comment is one common way to start flirting with someone.

The most common reasons why men flirt:

he is unhappy with present relationship
he is not sexually attracted to his girlfriend/wife
he likes the attention other women give him
he is bored with life
he is insecure about self
it makes him feel better about himself
he needs to validate his attractiveness and sexuality
he thinks flirting is harmless
he is looking to have an affair
it is exciting
to meet emotional needs such as feeling liked, being popular, or being thought of as funny, entertaining, attractive, or sexy
as a passive-aggressive way of getting even with the wife/girlfriend. He may have felt rejected sexually and emotionally, so the flirting can be a message to the partner to shape up or risk losing the marriage an attempt to get the wife's attention.