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26 January, 2016

Tango/ Milonga/Cabaceo/ Leader/ Follower


I have written many posts about Cabaceo. It is a nice, subtle, proper way to ask a follower for a dance in a milonga. Yet, I am taken aback when:

1. A leader walks up to me and extends his hand to ask me for a dance. 

2. A leader walks across the room/dance floor, to get me or to give me a cabaceo few feet away from me.

3. A leader verbally asks me for a dance. 

4. Follows me to the bar, sits next to me to asks me for dance.

5. Taps me on my shoulder to ask me for a dance.

In all the above situations, do I say yes or do I say? To be very polite, sometimes I say, Okay, I will dance only one song and not full tanda (3-4 songs). That should convey the message- I hope.

Leaders if you want to ask a follower for a dance in a milonga, apply cabaceo. 
Understand that no means NO. 
Do not persist or get offended. 
Everyone is there to have a good time in a milonga. There should be no obligatory dances.
A beginner horse gets a beginner rider and the advance horse gets an advance rider. Improve your skill set of tango. Take lessons and privates. 
Smell good. Have breath mints. Dress well. Wear nice tango shoes (Long, pointed toe shoes or sneakers are a no no). Do not sweat. If you do, have a handkerchief and change of shirt ready. 
Do not pull, push. Have a nice embrace, listen to tango music. 
Just because you can do few STEPS, you do not earn a good tanda with a good follower.

Note to followers- Be a snob. No shame in that. Accept dances from a leader who is good. See whether he deserves you. 
Do not trust him. If you trust him, he will fail you. One look at him, should be enough to tell you that you should not trust him. But shhh! he cannot know. If he knows, he will be very upset. 
Like Argentine woman of earlier times, be on alert, 24/7. She must be self confident, pretty, assured, not worried about doing anything wrong. She can only be right.
If he misbehaves, you say, "no dear. You may do this to other women but with me, you will behave."
Women does not surrender. She takes charge.
Your job is- beauty, form, shape, feeling, embrace, relationship.
Tell him, "come to me". But Shhh! he cannot know. He must interpret your control as your desire for him.
Being in control of a relationship is follower.
Good follower can make anything she wants out of a bad leader.


A good follower knows how to dance independently and rather even make her man look good. She does not wait for the lead because she knows that the leader is an idiot. One look at him is enough to tell her that he is an idiot. That she should not rely on him. That he will fail her. Let him believe that he is the man of the universe. That he is making her look good. Let him take the credit. If he tells her- you are wrong, then she says, 'Yes Dear' and then does exactly what she wanted to do.

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